Marriage Perplexity

Since the creation of human being on the face of this earth, both the genders have remained a complex being for the opposite one.

Human beings, irrespective of their gender, have to go through various and complex phases of development to enable them to reach adulthood. Once they attain an age, their identity crisis keeps them thinking about their future life partners. Our past experiences enable us to determine our future prospects in relationships.

The most important relationship in the life of a human being is marriage. We all get excited when we hear about our life partner. During our teenage we start thinking about love, romance, and beautiful and great life partner. As we attain maturity, we all want to turn this dream of marriage into a reality to acquire happiness and have kids.

Unfortunately, as we probe into the marriages, variety of complexities prevails. Both the partners have a long list of complaints for each other and they are constantly blaming each other to make their life miserable.

Here, the question arises; why this beautiful dream of marriage has turned into a bitter reality? Why partners are unhappy with each other? If they are unhappy with each other than why they got married in the first place? Which partner is taking relationship for granted? Who is suffering and how? What is the solution of this problem? Etc.

Firstly, there is no formula solution to relationship issues, we need to identify the causes and devise solutions with mutual consent but sometimes problems become more gruesome and ends up in divorce as well.

Marriage paradox is quite different in different parts of the world, the issues in the west are not the same in the east because the reasons and cultural differences exist and play vital role in determining our marital patterns. In the east, usually arranged marriages take place. Both the partners are total strangers for each other before marriage. Love marriages ratio is very small and usually discouraged by the eastern society.

Keeping in view our own context, research has shown that marital perplexities depend largely on the brought up style of both the partners, because both partners belong to very different family backgrounds. If husband belongs to a rich family and wife belongs to a middle class family, obviously their life perceptions could be extremely different to each other or vice versa. Primarily, compatibility depends largely on compromise and tolerance by both partners. If anyone of the partner is not willing to compromise or tolerate, life complicates.

Some couples being educated individuals try to understand each other to some extent and goes on living with each other for the sake of the happiness of their children.

These marital perplexities vary among social classes in our society. The rich class has its own type of marital issues, high middle class, lower middle class and the poor have very different nature of issues in their marriages.

Lets consider the upper middle and the educated class of our society, the marital paradox is not only of acute nature but rather hidden and surprising in its nature so far because people avoid discussing their marital problems with each other especially male members of society. Nor individuals find any platforms or networks which would provide them any such counseling services, therefore the problem persists and both partners keep on suffering at their ends.

I have taken up this risk of highlighting this sensitive social issue just to enable our educated class to understand and enable them to overcome some of the problem to some extent if possible before situation gets out of control.

What actually happens? Let’s discuss the reality and face it with open eyes in order to rise to the occasion and find our inner contentment and self satisfaction.

As a couple gets married, both enjoy their early years of marriage in majority cases. Practically, they both remain busy in raising kids, keep on struggling to groom them and provide them a comfortable life in early years of their marriage.

By the time kids are grown up and reach to their teens, each partner realizes that I have no chemistry with my life partner as no mental, emotional and/or emotional understanding result in loss of feeling of love for each other in hearts.

This makes both the partners unhappy with each other and turns this unhappiness into a constant suffering on both ends but it’s already too late to take any decision. The overall picture which both shows to others is that both of them are quite happy together but in reality they are not.

A woman is unable to take any step further just to avoid her financial insecurity and man avoids keeping the life of his children comfortable by keeping the family intact.

Women in eastern culture are unfortunately not given opportunities nor empowered to make their decisions on their own especially the most important decision of their life i.e. marriage. On the other hand, men also have to fulfill their family demands and have to marry a woman of family’s choice not of his own choice. 

Consequently, both the partners suffer as the foundation of marriage is laid not on choices rather family, cultural, egoistic and unreasonable mind sets of family systems.

Both partners facing the consequences usually get tired and try to find the solution of their problem somewhere else. This results in extra marital affairs, sex out of wedlock and many such activities to satisfy their emotional needs and loneliness.

Media and technology has indeed made this task very easy for both the genders. Unfortunately, the ultimate suffering ends up at children who are totally innocent. Still the reality doesn’t change even if we turn our heads away from it.

To overcome these issues certain steps can be taken by the media and social sectors.

Firstly, by providing education about marriage and its responsibilities at an early age to kids is extremely necessary by the parents.

Secondly, youth must be given guideline and providing such platforms where such problems are addressed.

Thirdly, post marital counseling and networking opportunities for both the genders must be created and made accessible online too.

Human being is a complex creation and therefore suffers from complex and delicate problems but unfortunately materialistic trends do not allow people to understand and realize how gruesome could be the circumstances if such emotional issues are ignored over a long period of time. They definitely need to be addressed and highlighted to find their solutions.